broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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