i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize