alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
