I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
