No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
