I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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