That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
