She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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