Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
