I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize