where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
