Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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