yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
