i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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