I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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