Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
