Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My liver just had a heart attack.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
