he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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