Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
