She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
