True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
