We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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