idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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