I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
