Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
