kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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