True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
