It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
