Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
