I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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