are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize