Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
