I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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