I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
