What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
