If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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