i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
