So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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