You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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