I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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