You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize