never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
