So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize