I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
