I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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