I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
