Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
