8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
