they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
