Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
