She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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