I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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