i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
