You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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