It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
smell my finger.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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