I hate all girls vehemently.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize