ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I love you. Go after that dick
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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