so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
God, I missed his penis.
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