Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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