Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
