don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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