Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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