So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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