i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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