did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
