So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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