her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize