Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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