i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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