his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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