I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
