He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
