We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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